worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
