in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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