ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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