definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
