Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
