Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
