I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
