I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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