Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
