I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize