I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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