whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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