Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
so much tequila, so little girl.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
