Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
