He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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