dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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