Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
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