i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
