she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
