It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
