I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
COCAINE IS GR8
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
