I showed him my bush... on skype.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just want to make out with him forever
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
