So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
