Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
