I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
