I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
