I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
