You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
