Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize