david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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