Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
