why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize