woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
