I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
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