Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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