My sheets look like a crime scene.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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