i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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