She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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