so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize