I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
