is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Randomize
