The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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