i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
