Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
