Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
