I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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