mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
