A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
