i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
