My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize