Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
