i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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