You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
