just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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