I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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