Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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