all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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