I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
