I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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