you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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