I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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