she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you win again, gameday.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
