how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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