I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
