Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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