Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
