I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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