If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
