Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
